Saturday, April 27, 2013

A guest piece from Bubba Gump

Hi, y’all!  My name’s Bubba Gump.  I just got word of one purdy l’il miss up in Seattle who’s puttin’ up a good fight against one pesky ovarian cancer.  Seattle’s a long ways from me ‘n my shrimp boats down here on the bayou, but word travels fast and I’ve been followin’ her progress with great interest, especially since I learned that her husband has taken an interest in all things shrimping.  To that, all I can say is…what took you so long?  As I was once quoted as sayin’ in a movie about my life (with a little help from my pal Forrest Gump), “shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich.” 

But that only touches the surface.  There’s shrimp scampi, shrimp salsa, teriyaki shrimp, shrimp tacos, curried shrimp, shrimp rolls, shrimp fried rice, shrimp soup, shrimp cakes, shrimp Benedict, Szechuan shrimp, dirty shrimp in beer butter sauce, shrimp Alfredo, garlic shrimp, shrimp jambalaya, shrimp ceviche and avocado, bacon wrapped grilled shrimp, shrimp gumbo, shrimp risotto, popcorn shrimp, crab stuffed shrimp, almond fried shrimp, shrimp bisque, shrimp toast, hot and sour shrimp, Calypso shrimp, shrimp grits, shrimp Dijon, shrimp tartare.  Heck, for that matter, you can even make shrimp ice cream! 

So, I have sent a special dispatch to Gabrielle’s husband with instructions not only on how to catch those tasty little gems from the sea, but also how to whip them up into a tasty meal for the bravest cancer fighter out there. 

I’ve been tellin’ all my buddies about Gabrielle every chance I get.  After a hard day of shrimpin’, we usually repair to the Twist ‘n Shout, a local hangout made famous by Mary Chapin Carpenter.  We sit around quaffing a favorite beverage and tell stories.  My redneck pals tell of huge waves, fighting gators, moonshining…all good fun down here…but none of them have the bravery, moxie, nerve and courage that Gabrielle has been displaying the past few months. 

I usually stroll in to a raucous crowd as the Pabst Blue Ribbon is busy tellin’ the Rum ‘n Coke about the time he came across an armadillo in his bathtub when they see me.  It suddenly gets real quiet as they all ask, “What’s the latest about Gabrielle?”  So I tell them.  Grand stories of heroic battles, dealing with horrible drug side effects, wavering white counts, dropping CA 125 numbers, numb toes, but with amazing family and friends…and their jaws drop.  The suds drip from the Coors Light’s mouth, while the tequila sunrise’s eyes just about pop out of his head in sheer wonder and admiration.  Yep, they love those stories!!  Every last one of them.  And that trip to Vancouver!  Amazing!  None of us have even been north of the Mason-Dixon line, let alone a foreign country no less.

As one of my favorite doctors (Dr. Seuss) once said, “Oh, the places you’ll go!”

You go, girl!  You’re a real hero to all of us down here.  A true inspiration of faith and courage.  How do you manage?  Especially keeping that yahoo husband of yours in line?  And eat those shrimp…that will help ease the stress.  Heck, for all I know, shrimp kills cancer too.  You ever seen a shrimp with cancer?  Rest my case.

Well, the Twist ‘n Shout is calling.  I think Beau Soleil is playin’ tonight…key up that funky Cajun beat.

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